Your Slap in the Face Horoscopes
“ Don’t come cryin’ to me, I merely
write what the stars tell me.” - Darcy Rhodes
Aries
Rainbows, lollipops and
puppies have got nothing to do with your happiness. A little tiny man riding a trike does, make
sure you give him a tip.
Taurus
Forget what others may
say, not everyone can pull off rip-away pants, but you can, and you sure make
them look good.
Gemini
“What are you saying?” is
what many will yell at you this week.
Have confidence, just say what you said again, and louder.
Cancer
Children will laugh,
but don’t let that sway you, you have an important job to do, someone has to clean
it up.
Leo
You’re right, rhyming
IS fun. However, your challenge to
yourself to rhyme everything you say for 5 straight hours at work will get you into
trouble. Keep your head up, your boss is
just unhappy with you outing him on his Nicki Minaj collage. You promised to keep that a secret.
Virgo
You think all is said
and done, but today you are wrong. He
WILL be coming back for his book of short stories and orange rape whistle. Don’t be fooled, what he really wants is to
sample more of your trail mix, hide it good.
Libra
Write those thoughts
down. One of them is the beginning of an
idea that will change the world forever as we know it. And no, it’s not the one about plunger
stilts.
Scorpio
Choose
wisely, the amount of vomit coming out of your mouth depends on it.
Sagittarius
Remember it well, no
one likes a person who brags about how well they make pudding. Everyone can make pudding. You will lose friends over this.
Capricorn
Things will go your way
after you man up and go talk to him. Yes,
I’m talking about the guy who is 20 years your senior and when he flexes the
lady tattoo on his arm dances, who else.
Aquarius
Sure they will run and
scream, what did you expect when you decided to run with that chainsaw yelling “I
can’t stop it, it cuts what it wants”.
Pisces
Be
honest with yourself, you don’t use the cargo pockets. Be on your guard, this will lead to an altercation.
3 comments:
its true. i'm a scorpio, and i am in great control of my vomit.
<3 darcy!!!!
And I'm an Aries, and can't wait to find a tiny man to tip..
i did just get a pudding recipe but i'll shut up about it when it turns out delicious. wow... glad i read this before i made it.
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